Eternal Life, Babe


From The New York Times (March 29, 1993)

by Douglas Coupland

The Academy Awards. Tonight the annual high holy event of secular TV culture will take place. Once again, viewers will be treated to an evening of Bob Mackie gowns, iffy production numbers and at least one awkward unTelePromptered moment. While it's true that many people watch the Oscars religiously - for many others the Academy Awards and the world they represent are a religion unto themselves.

Just witness the following uncanny parallels:

Religion Entertainment
Priests C.A.A.
Miracles Low-budget blockbusters
Sacrifices Big-budget failures
Reincarnation Cosmetic surgery
The Ultimate Power Box office
Eternal life Syndication
Orthodoxy Political correctness
Parables Movies of the Week
Disciples Suits
Denominations Studios
Prayer 12-step programs
Monotheism The networks
Polytheism Cable
Agnosticism Satellite
Atheism Straight to video
Superstition Rumors
Transmigration Career comebacks
Righteousness Letters to sponsors
Idols Stars
Scriptures Scripts
Transgressions Breaches of contract
Evil Lunch
State church PBS
Sects Affiliates
Angels Models
Free will Test screenings in Glendale
Fatalism The director's cut
Untouchables Last film flopped
Illumination Colorization
Theocracy Disney
Humility Need a hit badly
Sunday Prime time
Missionary work Foreign rights
Hell Infomercials
Canonization Academy Awards