Millennium chart


From New Republic (March 29, 1993)

by Douglas Coupland

Not so long ago, the millenium meant the Book of Revelation, pestilence, earthquakes and rapture. For David Koresh it still may. But lack of faith hasn't stopped other Americans from experiencing millennium frenzy. A brief exploration of what people might mean when they talk so feverishly about the end of the world.

When the end of the world occurs ...

  • There will be an explosion of fun; all boredom will end
  • I will not have to live anymore trapped inside linear time; the concept of infinity will cease to be frightening
  • I will be released from the daily grind of being myself
  • There will be great destruction; structures like skyscrapers and multinational corporations will be destroyed. I will experience release because I will no longer have to live and work among these structures that I had no particular hand in creating anyway
  • All secrets about everything will be revealed and I will have endless fun learning these secrets
  • Animals will perish along with humans and I will no longer have to feel guilty that animals are somehow freer and purer than myself
  • My dream life and my real life will fuse
  • Those people I dislike and who disagreed with me will have their existences erased forever
  • The existence of Something Large in which I can believe -- that Something of which I am always on the brink of knowing but never quite do -- will be both confirmed and revealed to me at last
  • I will be judged and found not to be a bad person
  • Freeways will experience many exciting and fiery car crashes
  • All the merchandise in the world will be mine for free except I will be so busy enjoying myself watching the orgy-like spectacle of destruction that I will not want any of it
  • Just before I become immaterial, my body will turn itself inside out and fall to the ground and cook like cheap steak on a hibachi and I will be released
  • There will be much loud music
  • All of the trappings of this brief life will be found to be arbitrary and fleeting
  • I will meet celebrities and they will be forced to be my friend